[IT'S MEME TIME AGAIN]

[antreegonist]

I NEED...A DISTRACTION!

Questions meme, you know how it goes! I play Mithos and Firebird, and you can ask about Lark if you want.

I probably won't pick up full steam on answering questions until tonight after class, Persona answers may be vague, etc.

Comments

[brotagonist]

SO WHAT ABOUT THAT ESSAY.

[antreegonist]

This is only sort of an SOTU! It's more expounding on some aspects of Mithos that haven't been very obvious in play before but have definitely started coming up after the Anna memory. It's also more random pointform than coherent essay because look at how many essays I have already written all over this meme, oh my god.

- I have said repeatedly that Mithos's relationships all feel torpedoed by the Anna memory! Everything is shifting and uncomfortable; either people know what he did and they both have to struggle with a brick of awareness re: the duality of the relationship (Mithos being a friend, who is also quite an awful criminal), or the other person doesn't know but it's still a giant lump RIGHT THERE that he has to work around somehow. In the conversations where he's reestablished connections he's realized that he shoves a lot of crap at his close friends but often doesn't know what's going on with them and what's been stressing them out, as well. Feels...feels bad!

- He's only slowly been able to move around to the fact that the crimes he talks to people about and tries to make them understand are treated more lightly than they should be just because the scale of them is so, so, so enormous they're not properly conceivable anymore. Eventually he'll figure out that the only reason he and Lloyd can comprehend the scale of the crimes realistically is because they build on their perceptions and experience of it memory by memory by memory, incident by incident by individual incident. I am not sure if this will lead him to stop trying to share the information altogether with people who haven't lived it, since it's really really hard and he's gotten really really burned . . . or if he will start asking people who want to know if they're willing to look at a few of his memories to go with the explanation, to remove that problem. It's just not going to stay as it is, since what is happening right now is viciously cyclical: people can't comprehend it so they try to swing focus around to the 'make friend feel better' side of things too fast; Mithos feels hurt and angry and like his actions are being taken too lightly in response to that; and then it goes around again.

- Along with the cyclical thing a thing also happens where people often try to offer him advice for how to move past it, which is a bit upsetting to him too! Because often he has made similar resolutions already well before they bring it up – he really just needs time to get over himself. He feels really bad about getting irritated at it, though; it's not like he doesn't appreciate the attempt to help, and he doesn't know how to articulate that he doesn't need to hear those things without sounding arrogant.

- What he really needs right now from his relationships is people to not necessarily smack him around for what he did – because goodness knows he smacks himself around plenty, and it's a bit hopeless because there's not a lot that can be done about a lot of it -- but to listen. He needs people to be able to let him know they're offering sympathy to a friend who is hurting and condemnation to a person who committed atrocities; mixing the two up has made him fairly kneejerk mad a couple of times already. He generally seems to be going somewhere less passive in his relationships as he confronts them again, because he's Not Comfortable until that dual dynamic is made clear at some point and he's willing to fight hard for it until it is. And once the firmer pattern has been established, it feels like it IS helping his CR in general, or will -- there are certain things he gets from each relationship that he is more willing to reach out for openly, and certain things the other person gets from him that he is also more willing to offer openly.

- A random note on the differences between Mithos and Lloyd – I think the way they approach situations is affected by how they structure their principles. Mithos has more 'give' in a way in that...to use some big awkward metaphors, I think Lloyd's principles have been described as unshakeable pillars before, whereas Mithos's are immovable lines in the earth. He has a limit to what he finds 'acceptable' but below that limit he has room to move around and make allowances; that may have something to do with why he seems less actively/directly pushy on the whole than Lloyd.

- The angry dangershark part of him has been slamming its way back into play with a vengeance, when previously it only came up a few times and was very tightly regulated/swallowed. I talked about it pretty in-depth in the Guy essay down below '^'b It is a big change!

- Difficulty confronting teams, difficulty seeking out people! I was having a lot of OOC play difficulties that did stem from IC ones! A lot of his CR has gotten stalled because he has been having trouble not being avoidant. He's only now starting to work around to getting his relationships back together and finding new comfortable places to stand in the wake of the torturecamps memory. Interactions with people who don't really know him have been going on as usual and are fine, because often the other party isn't close enough to tell the undercurrents of distress are happening. Interactions with his closest CR are just beginning to kick off again and are fairly tentative/uncertain, very 'where do we go from here?' Aaand interaction with CR in between those two categories has been more or less on hold because it tends to be the trickiest for him to balance; he knows he'll be off his socializing game with those people and he doesn't know them quite well enough to tell if he'll inadvertently upset them with the off behavior or not. Obviously that state of affairs can't last since he can't avoid everyone forever and isn't the type – I think I'm enjoying threading again partly because Mithos is ready to socialize again – but that's what's been going on.

I...I HAVE TAGGED EVERY COMMENT TO A QUESTIONMEME, GOSH!

How do you think Lloyd would react to a bodyswitch with Mithos :|a

[blackjacked]

Can you do a brief and vague SOTU on Firebiiiiiird?

Alternatively if that is not answerable, what did Firebird think if Kit's offer to help her out?

[antreegonist]

Firebird is doing . . . Firebirdly. There is a place she is going to that is shaped by her interactions with heroes so far but also by driving circumstances. She is not okay but she is not okay in a way that was coming for a while, if that makes sense. Firebird, inasmuch as she can be touched by things, was touched by Kit's offer and won't forget it.

Did Kit draw any conclusions about Firebird from the test she ran for him?

[orange_sun]

We should thread more, but that's not a question per se.

How're we doing, Mithos?

[antreegonist]

WE SHOULD. I am on a general...downbender with regards to threading energy, though, which is why Mithos has been out relatively little. Unannounced slowatus etc. etc.

I have mentioned here and there that Mithos feels like a lot of his strong CR got heavily torpedoed by the torturecamps memory; this doesn't mean the relationships are destroyed (none of them were...!), but the new element is so big that existing dynamics have to bend around it by necessity and take a new shape to accommodate it, or they stop working altogether. He doesn't actually know how to deal with this other than slowly moving back towards the people who were made aware of the situation and talking to them again, naturally, but he got so burned by the whole mess that his move back towards a lot of people is much slower than it would normally be, and that includes Josh.

He was actually really angry that Josh tried to handle the situation the way he did, by trying to make what Mithos did (purposely torturing a world for thousands of years) comparable to what Josh did (accidentally destroying one city) when they weren't comparable; their conversation was a definite huge burn in that regard, especially because Mithos was in a really bad state to try and explain what he perceived as messed-up at the time. So Josh is one of the people he's hesitating on longest just because of how badly that went for him; he will drift back, though, because he also knows Josh very much meant well by it and was trying to make him feel better and Josh is still a good friend and a bro who's been going through his own crappy memories. He just...feels like he's on shifting sands right now.

Reverse?

[fraternaldevotion]

ANYTHING NEW FOR US?

[antreegonist]

MOST OF WHAT I SAID IN OUR LAST RELATIONSHIP MEME THING STILL APPLIES! Uhhh a notable change is that Mithos has gently settled into a conscious pattern of just. Being stubborn as fuck at Sasuke whenever he wants to make a point or get Sasuke to modify his behavior to something healthier or just generally keep him from doing something really stupid. He is still a listener and not as much of a judger as he could be but he has discovered that for some people you help best sometimes by butting heads with them and refusing to be the one who gives way.

He is also really worried about the Uchihas. God that was a traumatic heart for everybody.

ANYTHING NEW ON YOUR END SASUKE '^'

[featherfetch]

What are Mithos' thoughts on noodles

pasta or CLAMP or otherwise :|a

[antreegonist]

Mithos loves pasta! Mithos actually loves food in general; he can sometimes have snooty chef standards and he tolerates large amounts of sweet stuff poorly but otherwise he will just inhale what is on the table.

...IN POSSIBLY MORE RELEVANT NEWS Mithos got super fond of Pascal super quick aaaahhh. Pascal has just been really earnest and adorablawkward and honest around Mithos a-and he can't help but respond well to that! CUDDLE PRACTICE. Also Pascal's warning about having an alternate personality is an oh noooo obviously. He actually needs to check on Amethyst in general once he stops being flattened by heart fallout and Chance's quest. He's worried about Ryner, worried about Pascal, and needs to see if Pascal still wants those sword lessons.

... tell me what is up with Syaoran's scary split personality anyway, I am hella not canon-familiar

[bondingspirits]

Mithos's opinion of Natsume in three words!

[antreegonist]

Cute, shy, mustmotherhenat.

Any particular memories you're looking forward to having Natsume get back soon?

[gravitysrainbow]

What team do you think Seth would fit on best :|a /asks about characters in queue like a loser

[antreegonist]

HAHA oh god I don't know. Seth is a bit of a chameleon character; I could see her going on any team with relatively few problems (she'd also be a great knight, but I already play a knight and I want her in a position where she can isolate herself less.) 99% of her memories involve playing a role(s) and acting a part(s) so she can, to a certain extent, pick and choose what traits she wants to develop to fit into the dynamic of whichever team she winds up on.

HAZEL WAKES UP ONE DAY AND FINDS HE IS SUDDENLY A KNIGHT INSTEAD OF CITRINE, WHAT HAPPENS

[fraternalorders]

Anything changed since last time?

[antreegonist]

TRUST LEVELS FOR UCHIHAS UP
WORRY LEVELS FOR UCHIHAS UP
NEED TO MOM UCHIHAS UP

Basically social links up and fretting levels up the whole way.

Reverse?

[silkenfinetrammels]

Impressions on Winnowill? '-'

[antreegonist]

DEEPLY UNSURE 8(a He doesn't precisely mind that she's an elf and she seems nice enough and a good fit for Sterling! And she's very earnest and if there's one thing Aather could use it's more healers. He would like to get to know her better! She also just came into Aather at a time Mithos was still recovering from a terrible memory, so their first meeting definitely didn't go as well as it could have.

He got a bit shy of her very quickly because she brings up the issue of race and blood and half-breeding, which he'd personally put to rest for himself; because she could immediately tell his body was not real, which is a huge discomfort ping for him; and because she got into his personal space way too fast for even him to deal with. These aren't things he holds against her, but they're definitely...boundaries that need to be addressed before the social link can be upped again.

How's Winnowill finding Aather?

[doesnothappen]

Any opinion of this guy?

[antreegonist]

Mithos thinks of Mau as a good friend; as someone steady as hell and extremely down-to-earth and commonsensical and dependable! They are not close in that particular way where Mithos would unload his personal issues all over Mau, but they have a weird sort of quiet broness thing going on. Mau's someone Mithos has told in a quieter sort of way about being like Van, and about some details of his life that are not damning but pretty intimate -- not that many people know Mithos ever had an older sister, etc. He really super enjoys just chilling out with Mau because they create...not a responsibility-free bubble, but one that is fairly nonstressy just because they're quiet around each other.

How did you get the idea for Chance? Do you have any plans for them?

[edgeofjustice]

You owe me a relationship meme young man. :T

[antreegonist]

S-S-SOCIAL LINKS UP

This previous relationship response still largely applies, but it's gone deeper in places now; the whole banter thing has solidified into a default dynamic for them and it's one Mithos is very comfortable with and is glad to have with somebody. Yuri has definitely fallen into more of a party place in Mithos's head by being willing to hear him out and sharing something pretty private about himself in turn when Mithos was hella stressing over his torturecamp memory -- and later, again, when Flynn came into Aather. There is more respect and mutual understanding there in general, and Yuri didn't condemn Mithos and break off their friendship, which he is super glad for.

Mithos's crush on Yuri has steadied up too! It's not an awkward kyaa kyaa crush now, more a strong attraction that has little to do with romancing and a lot to do with bro trust and comfort. If their whole silly marriagebanter interaction thing ever slipped out of joking/trolling into more serious territory and Yuri offered, Mithos would not mind casually sleeping with him. :|a BRO FLING.

Reverse!

[ichtreteihrgesicht]

RELATIONSHIP ME

also let's placeholder/slowthreaddd soon.

[antreegonist]

Asuka and Mithos's dynamic has changed from what it was before Asuka was Booked, since while she was away, Mithos grew up in a lot of ways -- among other things, he was only barely beginning to have a sense of functionality/coping on his own back then, and it is pretty fully actualized now. This isn't necessarily bad, imo; pre-Booking they were two extremely terrified teenagers who were mostly at sea and clinging to each other to find any sense of stability they could, and post-Booking Mithos has actually stabilized with a vengeance. While he still has problems around her (h-haha momkilling torturecamps . . .) they no longer run the risk of legit breaking all over each other, and it makes a definite difference in their conversations that at least one of them is now always anchored on some level.

Their particular dynamic is pretty unique; it has to do with romance on top of their friendship and touches much harder on the places where Mithos is fifteen years old rather than four thousand. He loves her and is attracted to her in a genuinely teenage, honest, blushy mildly confused terrified way! H-how does date! How does nonawkward touching! Girlfriend so badass aaaahhhh .///////. She was the only one who had the chance to bring this out in him before he began gaining the weight of age back from his memories, and she still evokes it effortlessly by dint of being Asuka even though he's lost the capacity for it toward anyone else.

That said their confrontation over the Anna memory and the followup -- including our current thread -- is yet another change, since it means they're opening up to each other better and it looks like they are managing to fit all that awful knowledge of where they are coming from into what they have now without everything breaking down. Somehow. Asuka is also getting elements of perspective out of this Mithos hasn't been able to share with others, such as his explanation of immortality, since she's asking the right questions and the perfect distance from the situation for them to come out. He is trying to be careful with it, though, since it's a relief for him but he doesn't want to drown her and he has always, always been focused on not hitting her discomfort buttons too hard; he's still wondering how to broach being an angel to her, for example :'D

It is still a thing of wonder to me how very Normal Boy he gets around her sometimes, though, and how much they totally don't know what they're doing but fumble forward anyway and how in some ways each is an exception for the other. :X It is crazy complicated and sharp-edged and heavy in places and still often shakes out to really, really cute somehow.

Reverse...?

[ganbareist]

R...RELATIONSHIP

[antreegonist]

Some constants: Guy is forever a fellow original Sterling! A mutual close bro and close friend and person to trust and depend on and watch out for and talk to and check in with regularly! Someone who is and will always be party in Mithos's head! He quietly ships Guy and Zack and he is worried about Guy what with a lot of his close folks getting Booked or good-ended or...being Van...lately; he's kind of trying to keep an eye on that.

This is all still true and will always be true, but when I take a closer look at it, their CR has somehow slanted over the weeks to more NEG/NEU than POS on Mithos's end, which sort of culminated in Mithos going RRDKJGLKLFDJGLDGGH in Guy's direction in their last thread.

I have mentioned that Mithos feels the killmonger torturecamps memory torpedoed all his relationships and the one with Guy is no exception. Guy avoided Mithos in the immediate fallout and Mithos avoided Guy and – notably -- if they had run into each other back then Mithos would have just pointed Guy in Lloyd's direction and fled. If Mithos ever thinks about why, he'd admit that

a) Guy was in a lot more of a position to get what Lloyd was going through and make Lloyd feel better (though really no one was/could have been in a position to make Mithos feel better or should have tried), and
b) he thinks Guy is probably closer to Lloyd than to him.

It's not a jealousy thing, just a there thing, in that Guy and Mithos have a bit less range in their interactions. They haven't done lighthearted stuff one-on-one for a very long time and the vast majority of their talks overall have been unavoidably heavy and stressful (Guy freaking out over memories, repeated rlkdgj over Van, discussion on quitting the knights, general tension undercurrents in their threads post-torturecamps since they never addressed that whole mess out loud) and they're not really good at mutual...load-lightening. So that is the association that is there right now :|a

Mmmaybe it will change now that the worst bombshell of all is over with, but it has also gotten increasingly difficult for Mithos to be a cheerful teenage boy around Guy OR feel like he helps Guy very much as opposed to stressing him out harder. There is a lot of unconscious frustration around that and not knowing what to do about it! There was even more frustration/apprehension added when Mithos realized that they were on shifting sands after the memory fallout; that he knew he could depend on Guy to condemn his actions and not reject the person he is now, but that he had no idea where they were going beyond that.

There is a THIRD SOURCE of frustration which is not Guy's fault! It's – Guy also fills a particular niche in terms of what Mithos offers and takes from their one-on-one conversations. I am finding it hard to word what Guy's niche is exactly but I think it's that he's someone Mithos is okay with being philosophically unsure at, with bringing up how he straddles the line between Tales protagonist and Tales antagonist mentalities. Things have fallen out so there is a space around Guy where Mithos feels okay letting him know when he doesn't quite have a solid handle on how he works mentally, and also feels okay making certain moves to deal w/ it and figure himself out.

Unfortunately this is also stressy. Both the text and subtext of his conversations with Guy – especially now that they're linking in to his conversations with Van – have contained a pretty intense struggle to let his antagonism and temper speak out in a way that is beneficial rather than damaging. What he's been trying to articulate for a long time is that not only does having both a hero's and a villain's perspective help, but that sometimes crazy antagonist anger keeps him going longer and harder and drives him to better places than saner protagonist anger can. That he got very good at sublimating the antagonist part of himself for a while but for his character to keep shifting and growing in a healthy way it has to come out somehow, some way. That he is sometimes angry at and fearful of the whole process. And he can't SAY any of this, because he doesn't know how yet.

All of these frustrations are mostly why Mithos went RRGHTDSFKIJSKJL in Guy's direction eventually, rather than because he felt like Guy had said something objectionable. Still, it helped a ton; I don't think the shifting relationship sands issue really got fixed yet, since that'll take time, but some stuff has been aired out and shared now that needed to be, and they can go places from there.

. . . thank goodness Mithos doesn't also have a crush on Guy or this might wind up longer than the general SOTU i am doing next

reverse me bro

[poker_face]

Wow. I'm super late... :T

Well, if anything has changed for us, I would be interested to hear :)c

[antreegonist]

GENERAL SOCIAL LINK LEVELS REMAIN UNCHANGED but there are certainly a few shifts in both relationships, sure!

MITHOS AND JUDY: The relationship has stalled briefly because he has been having problems dealing with CR lately and is taking it cautious and slow re: getting out and making the rounds again. He still likes her and admires her and has fun with her and Sapphire and wants to hang out and play poker and sometimes talk about oceans, though! I think the only super-notable shift is that, while he still finds her very attractive, his active crush on her died out at some point. I am not sure why; it just happens sometimes.

MITHOS AND EMIL: After the Anna memory, he really, keenly feels that he doesn't know how to deal with Emil right now, or if he can stand breaking it to yet another Aselian that hey, he was responsible for another horrible devastating crime against their world! Or if he even should. He will likely just choose to leave Emil out of that particular loop because Emil is from a bit after the whole debacle ended anyway, so it feels like a pointless exercise in misery for everyone.

On the one hand he deals with regular Emil and angry Emil about equally by Mithosing at them, and he likes them both very much even if angry Emil still worries him! On the other hand he feels terribly disconnected from Emil, especially after they stopped reading/writing lessons and no longer had a common point to touch base on regularly. Mithos is just going to keep on keeping on but he has a keen feeling that their relationship is floundering right now, that he keeps failing to get to know either side of Emil better, and that he doesn't know what to do to make that meaningful connection again.

Reverse if applicable...?